on trust

Hello.

I missed blogging; I am back.

I am very excited to potentially be taking a course at Regent College this summer. (the dream! woot!) I will either be taking a course called “Solidarity, Resistance and Liberation” taught by Dave Diewert, a champion of social justice in the DTES, or “Contemplative Reading: Scripture and Beyond” taught by Marilyn McEntyre.

Now that the dream is right before me, it is of course scary to think about taking the final leap and going for it, but I’m 90% sure that I will be attending and because I’m blogging about it, I’ll definitely have you guys to hold me to it.

I feel like I have been missing a part of myself lately, as I’ve expressed to quite a few people… somehow I am longing for something of my older self; someone who was really passionate about things. I don’t know if there were Biblical characters who struggled with these same issues; I’d like to find out. Or whether the Bible offers any consolation to those who have lost a passion for specific areas, books, music, social issues, news items.

As I was discussing with a friend tonight, it is so difficult to convince people that you need discipline when you come off as a very disciplined person. I think that I often appear that way; the truth, as I certainly know, is that I’m not at all. I’m desperately in need of the discipline to pull myself into a space where I’m listening to God, tuning into His frequency, learning complete dependence on Him and the Spirit’s leadership in my life. I’m hopelessly lost without His direction… why has it been so long since I’ve taken the time to hear from Him?

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; 
   don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; 
   he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all. 
   Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health, 
   your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own; 
   give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst, 
   your wine vats will brim over.
But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline; 
   don’t sulk under his loving correction.
It’s the child he loves that God corrects; 
   a father’s delight is behind all this.

Proverbs 3:5-12 (MSG)